Malawi

We left Iringa, our last stop in Tanzania, early in the morning on February 3 to cross the border into Malawi. We got through the border after about two hours of waiting, which I remember thinking was a long wait (how little I knew of future wait times in other countries) but in hindsight, that's really not bad.

I was looking forward to Malawi because, aside from the three days in Zanzibar exploring Stone Town and laying on the beach, I'd been in Africa for nearly three weeks and so much of our trip so far had been about seeing amazing wildlife and breathtaking vistas. Malawi, while definitely breathtaking in its own way, was nicknamed "the warm heart of Africa," so it was more about culture and getting to interact with locals. We had a long travel day, which with the border crossing was about 12 hours or so. After we got settled at our campground at Chitimba Beach on Lake Malawi, we met Patrick, who was essentially acting as our local activities coordinator. He came for dinner that night at the campground and briefed us about the activities and services on offer. He was selling custom bracelets, magnets, and a few other things, and also showed us some clothing pieces made by the local tailor that we could have custom made for us. Activities included an optional hike to a waterfall, which of course I had no interest in, but other activities included a village walk and touring an orphanage, and taking a wood carving class. I personally felt that visiting the orphanage would make me uncomfortable because I wasn't doing anything helpful by visiting; I would only be going to visit the children and take photos with them, which I felt weird about. So I opted to do the wood carving class the following day, where I helped carve an elephant (and by "help" I mean it only in the most rudimentary way, since anything that required skill was handled by people who actually know what they're doing). I also ordered a custom tailored dress from Patrick, for which I got to pick out the fabric myself. The biggest treat of being in Malawi, however, is that I paid two really nice ladies to do my laundry for me, and it was such a blessing to have clean clothes.

The next day, I had a lovely leisurely morning, got measured by the tailor for my dress, and went to the woodcarving lesson around 11. The guys who were teaching me how to carve the elephant were apprentices to the master woodcarver, and they were set up near our campground selling their woodcarving wares, jewelry, and other souvenirs. After I picked out an elephant to carve, we went to the master woodcarver to get the block of wood. He drew on it with a pencil to show where we should be whittling, and then we got to work.

They first showed me the proper stance, where you hold the block of wood in place with your foot so that your hands are free to hold the chisel and the hammer. While we worked to whittle the wood into an elephant, we talked quite a bit. The three guys teaching me were part of a big group of woodcarving apprentices, all of whom had crazy nicknames. The ones helping me were Doctor Nick, Fantastic Steve, and the only one from the whole large group who supposedly didn't have a nickname: Thomas Jefferson, which he swore to me was the real name his mother gave him (Even now, I'm not sure whether I believe him). Thomas Jefferson was actually my favorite of the guys that I worked with; he was really informative about Malawi and he taught me how to play Malawi Bao, which is their name for the game of Mancala. He told me that the national language of Malawi is Chichewa, but that the local language in northern Malawi (where we were) was Tumbuka. When we continued further south to Kande Beach, their local language was called Tonga.

Doctor Nick and Fantastic Steve, on the other hand, were not quite as helpful. They told me that, as apprentices, they wouldn't receive any of the money that I paid for the wood carving lesson, so they asked if I would consider buying something else from one of their workshops. I was pretty skeptical about the truth of that statement but I did legitimately want one of the wooden magnets shaped like Africa that I had seen when browsing in the workshops nearby, so I said I would buy one from them. When they asked how much I would pay for it, I said the equivalent of about $5 USD ($1 USD is about equivalent to 700 Malawi kwacha). I gave my price to Fantastic Steve and he wanted to wait for Doctor Nick, who had stepped away, to come back so they could discuss the price, since they would be splitting the money three ways. When Doctor Nick came back, Fantastic Steve told him how much I was willing to pay and Doctor Nick said "Oh no, that's much too low for a hand-carved piece like that, which takes such practice and effort to carve since it's so small. A good price would be 25,000 Malawi kwacha." In case you don't feel like doing math, that ends up being about $35 USD for a magnet. After I literally laughed in his face, I said "Clearly we have different pricing standards so never mind." They conferred for a moment among themselves and asked if I would pay 6,000 kwacha, which means they would each get about $3 for selling me the magnet, to which I, completely exasperated, agreed. They told me it would be a custom magnet so I asked for a giraffe to be carved on it, but they ended up giving me one with an elephant on it, so "custom magnet" was clearly a pretty loose term. That's what I get for not standing my ground at $5, but I had an attack of White Guilt that they only wanted $3 each. Fantastic Steve, who told me he was hungover, then wandered off to take a nap.

Doctor Nick, the con artist, kept it up. We started a conversation about tattoos because we both had them, although he had at least five. He told me they're expensive in Africa as well but he'd been saving up and was planning on taking a trip to South Africa to get another one. All the while, we're carving my elephant, so the conversation kept moving along and maybe 10 minutes later, he started telling me that he was the sole support of two sisters and they were completely broke because all of his money went to sending them to school, so if I had anything with me back at the campground to donate to them, even my socks, he would be very grateful. After the $35 magnet conversation I was already pretty fed up with him, but then he tells me this fake sob story after just telling me a few minutes earlier that he was saving for another expensive tattoo when he already had five. I told him I'd look in my stuff when I got back (Miraculously, I didn't find anything to donate to him, although I can't imagine why).

The basic shape of the elephant was finally carved, so we dropped it off with the master woodcarver to finish the more intricate carvings, and Doctor Nick asked me to follow him, which I foolishly did. I realized he was leading me away from the campground and asked where we were going and he replied, "I'm taking you to the orphanage." I put my foot down and told him I didn't want to go there (which he should have known, because he knew there was a group that did go to the orphanage and that I wasn't with them), so we waited for the master carver to finish the carving so that I could stain it. While we were waiting, Doctor Nick insisted I take his photo and send it to him on Facebook (which I didn't do, in case you're wondering, because I certainly didn't want to be Facebook friends with him).

Doctor Nick, the con artist

It's probably obvious that I couldn't wait to get away from him at this point, so I was relieved when my elephant was returned to us and I was able to get to work on staining it with shoe polish and a toothbrush.

Staining my hand-carved elephant

When I was done staining it, we left it in the sun to dry for awhile, and then I was finally able to get away from Doctor Nick and go back to the campground--although he told me he would see me later that night, because my tour group was going into the nearby village for dinner at Patrick's house, our activities coordinator, and then to a local bar.

I had a leisurely afternoon at the campground and then we headed out for dinner. We walked to the village, which wasn't far and certainly normally wouldn't have bothered me, but we were in Africa during the rainy season, and apparently the roads were basically flooded in some places. I had to walk through water multiple times, and unfortunately I was wearing sneakers, so I squelched my way to dinner. The village didn't have electricity and there were certainly too many of us to fit inside Patrick's house, but his mother made us a delicious meal that we ate outside under the stars. We didn't get to actually meet his mom or really talk to anyone, which I was disappointed about, but we were going to a village bar after dinner, so we would probably be able to talk to locals once we got there. Well, it turns out I was wrong again, because the "bar" looked like a small, barren warehouse and no one was in there except us. I stayed for about 15 minutes before one of Patrick's friends walked me back to the campground (I told him I would go alone but he told me it might not be safe and he didn't want me to take any chances). Thunder was rumbling in the distance so I was happy to head back to the campground before the skies opened up (which they did, while I was in the shower, and the power went out, but thankfully my iPhone had a flashlight).

The next day, we headed out early and continued further south along Lake Malawi to our next stop, Kande Beach. This campground, which was a bit more upscale than the the one at Chitimba Beach, was even closer to a beautiful beach than the last one.

In the truck on our way to Kande Beach with my elephant and Jason's rhino (he had a better experience in his woodcarving lesson, thank God)

Driving along Lake Malawi

View from the truck

Kande Beach

In the campground bar

There were more optional activities at this campground, including snorkeling in the lake, fishing, and visiting another local village, but I have to admit I had kind of a bad taste in my mouth from Doctor Nick (who I did not see at that weird warehouse bar, thank God), and I was looking forward to having some time to relax, so I didn't partake in any of them. I spent a lot of my time at Kande Beach reading in a hammock next to the beach and drinking hard cider, so no complaints here. I kept hearing buzzing around me while I was lying in the hammock and then it would go away, only to come back a few minutes later. Honestly my first thought was that it was a large insect like a bumblebee that was making all the racket. But eventually I looked up and realized a hummingbird's nest was in one of the trees my hammock was hanging on, and the buzzing I heard was its wings as it kept returning to feed its chicks.

I also took a dip in Lake Malawi, because the beach was just as inviting as it looks in the photo above, and that was also a lovely experience. I really enjoyed our time lounging at Kande Beach in particular because, as our next big stop was Victoria Falls, we had three very long travel days ahead of us to get us to Livingstone to see my first of the Seven Wonders of the World.